I am terrified of this dark thing that sleeps in me
It’s hard to give the last word… I’ve gotten good at it, but I suppose I’m failing this time. I need to be away from him. I’m willing to leave the state to do it, and will as soon as I can… All I’m asking him is for the courtesy to quietly ignore me when it becomes necessary. With any luck the situation won’t come up again.
UCO was this weekend. The quarters curse resurfaces, but at least I was first speaker. I made myself sick by taking too many antihistamines (which my doctor prescribe to me as an anti-anxiolytic) and had to cough my way through the round today. The judging pool was supremely sketchy, but it’s all over and done now.
I’m feeling as if debate as a whole might be over and done with for me. I’ve just gotten to the point that I don’t enjoy it anymore. Why bother? I’m exhausted by all of its energies, and I’m not prepared to put even more into it.
I feel like I may be falling back into a little pit of depression. I suppose I should go see the doctor again, and perhaps get an anxiety medication that actually works. I’ve had too many panic attacks in recent days to feel alright about the world.
Looks like I’m going home for thanksgiving. What a surprise.. :-\ All well.
He’ll be here in just a few days, and that makes everything sounds so much better…
That kill, that kill, that kill