SheFallsSoftly

It’s almost December now.
Since when?
Time rushes like sand, and like sand
Sticks in hair, teeth, skin
Hides in corners of suitcases,
shoes, ear canals.

Well, yes, you were on the beach once.
Sun burned sky, skin penny orange.
Water wet. Sand grit.
Skin. Skin. Skin.

Granules and memories
Like mud
In the carry-on baggage
You’ve yet to clean out.

Our bodies
Suspended in water
Pressing together,
Insoluble solution.

I fell for
August’s awkward coppered airs.
Perfect copper sunset turns to rust.
Red, orange, green, white. Metal, dust.

August painted verdant rings around skin.
We were painted, still
Drenched water, pigment, color
Dissolving, insoluble, solving.

Skin.
I fell for it then.
Days passing like sand,
Tracking mud memories through,
August, September, October, November.
It’s almost December now.

So, I guess I should give all of you a real update, hmm? Less neurotic rambling, more catch-up on my life for those I can’t (or don’t) talk to very often…

Well, my trip home to Las Vegas was nice. I had dinner with my family and spent lots of long evenings with Justin. There is something so perfect about that entire weekend, in its own porn, pigeons, glitter and liquor kind of way.

I decided that I’m ready to be done with my undergraduate degree, so I’m going to go ahead and graduate in spring. Tanner is helping me out with the LSAT, and my scores are getting better every day. I’m lucky to have someone like him to rely on.

I’ve walked a bit on the sketchier side of the street, and found it’s not as life altering as I thought it would be. It’s for the best I think.

Dance is going beautifully, classes with Lynna are as spectacular as could be imagined, and I love them dearly.

Debate is… terrible. But the people are wonderful! And I love my partner dearly. We have some of the most adorable debate tubs known to man, and we’re not afraid to show that off.

I want a polaroid camera really badly. Random, I know, but it just seems like it would be super cool. Ebay is my friend… and this productly will likely be soon acquired.

I love you all. Really.

Those words (tattooed on delicate skin, a part of the body favored by him) have been my mantra for so long that i’ve forgotten when exactly i chose them… And yet there it is, like aimless liquid i move too quick to quite fit where i am. I move, invisible, it’s the leaves rustling, water rippling that leaves me seen.
I was just a child then, i say now, just sixteen and scared of so much feeling. So i followed a different course, came to this wide flat plane where i thought i’d be still, but blew round and round like a dust devil…
but where does He come in? He; the ex for whom i mourn profusely. Simply put, once he did, and now he doesn’t.
when, not so long back, an act of whimsy led me back to him (not He) my hands were bound, but upon returning I’ve found ( in and through him) not just wind, but skin… Like a spirit testing possessed bodies I movedcand surged and found connection, but that skin… Well, I left it with him. Disembodied now, noncorporeal before, missing what I never knew I didn’t have.
how do I love?
constantly.
with the passion and terror of some broken god
who, on nights like these, reminds wind of skin
in hopes of comfort, but only brings longing.
it hurts.
give more to me.