I’m not asking to go dancing, it’s not like that anymore
Well looky here.. A public post. How novel!
Sorry that I’ve been so incredibly absent of late, I’ve been trying to piece together how I feel about the world… I still haven’t, but I thought I might clue the world in to a few of my thoughts.
More than anything, I’m tired of being lectured by so many people… I know that breakups are hard. I know that it’s probably a bad idea to jump right into something new. I realize that I’m probably doing things wrong, the poignant thing is that i just don’t really care right now. I’m not going to act against my intuition even if it is wrong most of the time… Whatever I do will get me to where I need to be, even if I get a little banged up on the way. Thank you all for all of your advice, just try not to get upset at me for not taking it. I’m trying to do this as maturely as possible while still retaining some aspect of who I am.
Who I am.. that’s such a curious concept these days… I sent Billy a message right before the breakup promising to change a thousand different things about myself if it meant that he would want me in his life. If I can promise my identity away for stability, is there anything at the core of me worth saving? Probably. It’s hard to try to live for yourself after living for someone else for so long.
Regardless of all of that, I’ve been having fun recently. Been on a whole number of dates with a certain boy, seen many of my once-estranged friends. I had a ballet class with Pseudodance last night that was kind of a trainwreck but fun nonetheless. Leila’s a bad ass.
I’m looking for a new job. If anyone has any non-waiting jobs they think I might like, they should clue me in. I’d like a desk-type job so that I don’t have to be afraid that my incredibly variable income will fall through.
On another note, in the spirit of not keeping secrets I’m going to go ahead and reveal my side project that I’ve previously been keeping quiet. I’ve applied to be a Suicide Girl, my first photo shoot is tomorrow. I think it’s an interesting thing to do, and an experience I’d like to have.
Work is still dead. I will still get you drunk if you come in. Why must you forsake me?
I won’t lie.. I only wrote publicly in the hopes that it would help me write some poetry.
July 11th, 2007 at 4:46 pm
I really enjoyed getting to meet you in OK and I hope that all is well.
we all lack something
a penchant for little haiku,
perhaps. do not panic
July 11th, 2007 at 4:53 pm
Oh anonymous poster.. Who are you?