SheFallsSoftly

Fortune cookies are often times the reason my life makes sense. I usually tease a certain communist for his reliance on the random, however I think I do much of the same thing in a very different way. I love to plan. This is pretty obvious if you look at my date book, and notice how often times I retroactively write down the things I did just so they’ve got some concrete form in the face of the world. I spend a lot of time dividing time, and looking ahead, and for better or for worse, planning. I find my peace not in the strict allocation of time to events, however, but in tiny little signs that tell me my priorities are in order. This can come in many forms, from an oddly poignant web comic to the words on the inside of a bottle of jones soda, or to the somewhat grammatically unsound promises of a fortune tucked inside of a styrofoam-esque cookie.

This may not be essentially the same as flipping a coin to decide how close I let the people in my life get to me, but it still hints and the need for the unmoved mover’s acquiescence to the plans laid for the future.

Today, in a perfectly suiting random act of interest, Patrick distributed amongst Billy and myself the three fortune cookies that had been laying on Billy’s coffee table since chinese food and Bull Durham. We each opened ours, read them one at a time, and mine said "better to aim for the moon than shoot into the well." I find/found that inexplicably comforting in the face of the rather tenuous tight rope I’ve been walking emotionally.

Even if at the end of this it all goes horribly, I’ll always be able to tell myself that I never once stopped trying. I may have ran, I may have hid, and I may have gotten angry, but within hours usually, or at most days, there I was again being completely honest and open. For once in my life I can say that I didn’t settle for a certain second best instead of a possible first just because it’s easier… I really gave my all.

Billy will be in Paris by the time I awake in the morning, and I am presently in Iowa for Thanksgiving dinner with Scott and his family. It’s a good week for distance, and for going new places, and for finding time to think. I think that’s what I like most about long road trips (such as the 9 hours to Iowa) even if the cramping is somewhat troubling, the time to just self reflect and figure out if you are making the right choices.

I think I am.

This entry was posted on Wednesday, November 22nd, 2006 at 11:25 am and is filed under Daily Happenings. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.