Verum despeream nisi amo…
I guess it’s time to hunker down and write you all a real post, rather than password protecting it just to get on a certain communist’s nerves.
Things have been going unremarkably for the last few weeks, a long bout of illness/depression left me sleeping a good 18 hours of every 24 for a few days there. I’ve found that when I go days without running I feel remarkably less prepared to deal with the world. Maybe I should take up a sport next semester, I have a feeling it would help me keep my head on straight.
I had my first appointment with my therapist. I like her, she seems to expect quite a bit of me, she continually asked me to explain why I did things which is kind of like being told that I ought to know better which is kind of like being told that I’m smart. Regardless, I get the vibe that she respects me and thinks I’m capable which is good. No fun new prescriptions to try out yet, but I’m supposed to meet with a different doctor sometime soon who will prescribe me medication.
There are new pictures of me on facebook. I’m also going to upload a number of them to a new page of pictures which I am in the process of putting together for this page. Pictures of me are few and far between, so I’m trying to make more of them exist in the world.
Like most holidays, my fourth of July went by more or less without note although there was the enjoyment of some pretty decent tortellini while watching fireworks. The last few weeks have reminded me how happy cooking makes me.
Billy is going to Paris! Lucky him. This makes me want to go to Europe muchly, but there is a time for everything. With any luck I’ll be going to grad school there.
Speaking of grad school, questions of where I want to be in 4 years keep popping up. OU Law is looking significantly less appetizing… If, as the case may be, I don’t desire to go to OU law all of the sudden there is no reason for me to try graduating in 3 years. I could take the fourth year and easily pull my women’s studies degree along with a minor in latin, italian, greek, and german. Yes. All of them. Easily. At OU, a minor takes approximately 15 hours of work on top of the initial 10 hours of introductory level courses. Italian and german, however, will have their introductory level courses taken over summer (in germany and italy) and as such I needn’t concern myself with factoring those courses into my schedule. So 25 hours for greek, and 30 hours for italian and german. As it stands, I need 18 hours of elective credit before I graduate (which already fits into the 3 year plan) which knocks it down to 37 hours for both majors in my final year. In the extra year I would likely tack on were I not to go to OU, assuming that I took 6 hours over summer, I would have a 15 and a 16 hour semester in order to complete four minors and a major. Overkill? Maybe…. but how I love language.
Anyway, if I did this I’d likely look a lot more appetizing to the individuals who put together scholarships for law schools… such as the individuals behind the Rhodes Scholarship program… And an international law degree would make a lot more sense.
Also my lazy ass can now do a 10 min. mile. The goal is to get it back down to about 8:30 by the time school starts, and then keep that up.
I am positively adoring Catullus, much glad to be out of Livy. This class is going to take significantly more work than I might have expected, but it’s worth it. I really adore the work I’m doing… The professor seems to like me an awful lot, and is impressed with my proper inflection of the scantion.
At night, in stillness
I turn off the lightbulb’s fluorescent harshness
Strike matches
Light candles and incense
Turn on
A nocturne, piano rock
Something mournful, sweet, lovely
I pull the curtains open to the starlight
And then strip
Watching the candle light
The exposed night
Play off each uncovered inch
Of my body
Lifting off the day’s labor-mussed garments
One at a time, no rush
No hurry, no fingers fumbling across buttons
Small and smooth
No yanking, no pulling
Slide slow into nothing
Light still flickers, licks at my body,
Lapping at the curves of my ribs and hips
Admire each inch
A moment, another moment, no reason
To push out of the instant until, content
To have seen each inch of me
I retire
Candles out, music off, incense snuffed
Climb into bed all alone and think
Someday someone will think I look as beautiful in this
As I feel I do this instant.
I now have two wrinkles. I’ll spare the emo Sylvia Plath discussing the horribleness that is getting old, and simply note the following. Billy has claimed said wrinkles, as one is from brow furrowing, and the other is from smiling. All too appropriate.