Because the chase is all you know
I’ve been listening to Death Cab for Cutie pretty much nonstop for the last 3 weeks… this isn’t so boring as one might assume, as I have five full CDs which I shuffle through. The music is incredibly apt to describe my life.
My older sister makes fun of me a lot, because she and I are so different. Robyn’s always had some problems with focusing in school, never really cared enough. She’s been struggling, recently, trying to decide what to do for a living. Even at her current job, she never stays in one place very long. She is, however, dating a boy that she’s completely in love with and will likely be with for many years to come. She’s got the relationship thing under control. I, on the other hand, have always been spectacularly able to devote myself to school. I can work one completely atrocious job and feel completely contented in it. Relationships, however have always been very turbulent in my life. I’ve never really been able to commit to the person I was with fully, whether it be by my own fault or theirs. I never quite get over the last before moving on to the next. Maybe it will take me more time before I can become the sort of person who settles down, maybe I’ve just been waiting for the correct set of circumstances. My big fear is that I’m not that sort of person… but I have trouble believing this.
Although it is not facebook-official, I’m dating the afore mentioned Chris Allen now. I’m pleased with this, as well as a little mixed up. My gut’s telling me to just suck it up, be honest, and do what makes me happy. I think that sounds like a rather good plan.
I can’t let things that are done and over affect things that are happening now.
Who I am is who I allow myself to be, and no one else. I am not the sort to dwell. I am, however, the sort to commit myself fully and always give my all.
On another note, Latin is going nicely. Slightly more difficult than I would have hoped, but I’ll still likely get an A. Livy is inordinately boring though… Hopefully Catullus will be more interesting.
Work is also going well. I’ve come to the conclusion that I’m a pretty good waitress now. Not great, but pretty good. I keep drinks full, I don’t drop things, I try hard and smile… The actually "knowing things" section of the job will come with time.
You are
Summer days
Tire swing trees,
Barefoot, licking
Dripping dreamsicles
Hose drinking,
Cloud gazing–
No worrying
No thoughts of
sunburn, wrinkles,
global warming, just hot
And happy
Drenched wet from the hose
In the warm–
You are all of this
All wrapped up in the light
of the morning, and the makeshift skin that is the sheets,
in the single
kiss and smile and touch
You give me and
I do not fear.