It’d take a miracle, so that’s what I’m praying for
How is it that the more I look forward to an evening, the less likely it is to actually come to fruition? One way or another, I needed sleep after the last few weeks and I couldn’t wait for that evening to finally ripen. Perhaps fruit was a bad choice of metaphor.
I’m having some major concerns about my faith recently… It seems like the more I think about it the less I feel I can really believe. The problem is, I want to so badly. It’s hard to imagine the world being created ex nihilo, but it’s also hard to imagine (for obvious reasons) a being beyond our comprehension that exists "around" us if you will. The more I think about church the more it feels like a big round of groupthink. The more I think about prayer the sillier it seems that anyone is listening. The common attitude of those I know concerning God is that one must have faith, and that even if there is no God a little faith won’t hurt anything in the end. How very superstitious… I want to believe, desperately, and so much of me does… It’s just so hard to find a good reason to justify those things.
Also, I haven’t written any poetry in entirely too long.. This is likely due to the current "not quite comfortable enough to formulate real imagery to describe it" status of my quasi-relationship, as well as the extreme amount of busy-ness, and my completely lack of motivation to deal with the past.
The biggest problem is when you start telling lies and you don’t even know what is true yet… Then you pretty much lose any chance of ever figuring it out.
The score is currently: Sleep 3 : Casey 0
Feeling uncomfortably calm.. just waiting for something to happen.