I’m an engine driver…
Sunday, April 30th, 2006If I’m going to be keeping my thoughts here for a bit, I might as well synopsize what has happened thus far in my particular story. It’ll be like a bad sequel to a movie with no clear plot to start out with.
Last time on This Sick Life;
Casey, disenchanted with life in Las Vegas, decided to graduate a year early, leave most everything she had ever known and ran to Oklahoma to be with her then-boyfriend, Andrew D. After a hard life, however, Casey was by no means prepared for the seriousness of the relationship she was in and managed to nicely ruin it all. After lying for nearly a year, Casey had a torrid affair with Andrew’s once-roommate William. Andrew and Casey broke up, and Casey began dating William–because clearly the answer to boy troubles is always more boys. Of course, being that nothing changed, her relationship with William was simply the same story with different characters and ended not long after beginning. Finally, Casey realized things in her life had to change, that she had been living the wrong way. She began going to church, and in hopes of getting closer to her ideal of innocent and unquestioning faith, dated Andrew W. Always a page or two behind the obvious, Casey soon realized that she was dating him because he was an ideal, and any sign of humanity ruined her view of him. After breaking up with him, Casey decided that maybe it was time to take things more slowly, date more casually, have some morals and some time alone. A few months later, she’d felt more herself than she ever had before and had become downright assertive in her right to determine the level of intimacy with the boys she spent time with. She began (and still is) seeing an old acquaintance, Billy, who enjoys confusing her and playing on her insecurities, but only in the nicest of ways.
Among all of this mess in her love life, she’s been trying to locate herself in the most likely of places. Majoring in Women’s Studies, she searches through the descriptions of the female sexuality trying to locate something that looks like her, and trying to find feminine enlightenment. Of course, this is unsuccessful and it mostly just confuses her. She also writes copious amount of poetry, hoping to explain herself better in a different medium. In writing this poetry, she met the brilliant and fantastic Andy Havens who is not only her acting mentor and friend, but also helps her by hosting this webpage.
So Casey is in Oklahoma, hundreds of miles from where she grew up. She’s found herself on the wrong side of one too many "Worst girl/boyfriend ever" stories, and wants to change not who she is but what she does. She’s trying to find her faith, both in herself and in God. All the while, she has to stay afloat in class to keep her scholarship.
How will she find happiness, security, and fulfillment in her turbulent and ever-changing life?
That was bad.